Chronicle

The work that follows is not mine. It's something I came across somewhere, long ago and saved on my computer. Apparently I thought it was worth it, since I'd saved it to a disk and reloaded it after I got a new hard drive put in. Why did I think it was important enough? Because it was sincere. I don't approve of cheap chronicling of daily events in a diary... cribbing about how unfair someone at school is or how your favorite goldfish died. I like this little paragraph here because it has sensible sentiment. No crying over hurt, no cursing lost love, but just simple putting feeling into words. And, it kinda reminded me of what I did once upon a time when I was badly let down. Enough of me, read what the dude has to say.

Love?? It is the greatest thing in the world. Without it there is nothing worth living for. Whether you find love in your job, your family, a hobby, or a companion, it is the greatest thing ever. Yes, it does hurt, even more than it feels wonderful. But, you have to realize that the positive side of love outweighs the negative side of love by far. I am 24 and I am going to be 25 this coming 08/29/04. I met my fiance on 09/06/03 on a Saturday night. It was a blind date set up by my best friend and his fiance. I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't looking for that one special person, but just to have fun that night. Well, I kept on seeing her and let her know that I wanted to be with her exclusively. We fell in love. She was so beautiful the first night I met her. I fell in love with her beauty, her smile, her personality, and her laughter. We have so much in common. Well, I asked her to marry me almost 2 months later on 10/30/03, the night before Halloween. We had our mountains to climb and most times it looked like we weren't going to make it over. Well, it looks like I am stuck in between love and reality. On tonight, 06/18/04 we got in a fight because she has a problem with controlling her alcohol. Now, she doesn't want to be with me and I can't tell if it is the alcohol or her true feelings. Love hurts. She makes my world go around. I am not sure if I will go to Heaven or not. I love God and I might not do the right things here with my time on Earth, but I love Shannon E. McGrory and I will always love her. We are supposed to get married in 11 weeks on 08/28/04 the day before my birthday. Everything is set and paid for. But, she told me tonight she doesn't want to marry me. I got frustrated with her tonight and I said something I shouldn't because she was getting out of control. I called her a whore. I didn't mean it but I am a guy with a lot of testosterone and it came out. I apologized immediately but she took it to heart and ran with it and said she doesn't want to marry me. She was drunk and this wasn't the first time that alcohol has caused us pain. I don't know what is going to happen when she wakes up. Will she stick with what she remembers and think I was a jerk and say she doesn't want to marry me or will she hug me and will we forgive each other? I don't know. That is what hurts. Waiting to see your dreams and hopes to be crushed or fulfilled. I don't love her because she is beautiful or because her body is unbelievable to my eye and heart. I don't love her because she loves me. I love her because of the little things I do for her and she does for me. The first night we were together on our blind date she was driving and we were a little shy and weren't talking to each other and she lightened the mood and gave me a wet willy. (lick your finger and stick it in someone's ear.) This would gross some people out but it made my heart melt. She touched my heart and didn't even know it. When she calls me baby or when she thinks about me or when she hugs me or when she looks at me like she could just wrap her whole body around me. Yes, we make love all the time and we are very sexual. But, those are only extra things. Every normal guy can take that to the extreme and make the girl feel like that is all we want, but that is a guy thing and you just have to understand that and realize where we are coming from. I just can't keep my hands off of her. I have never cheated on her nor put myself in the position to cheat on her and I could never cheat on her. I feel so bad for calling her a whore. I was mad and frustrated and that is what popped out of my mouth. I would take it back if I could. I can't live with out her. I only want to make her happy and if that is being without me then she shall have that. I hold her way above me. Yes, you should love yourself first before you love someone else. I do love myself. I have accomplished so much that some guys would dream of. I played highschool ball and took the team to the state tournament and I hit the winning basket and I got a full ride to a Div 2 basketball school here in Memphis and I am in great shape and health. I have a decent job now and I will get my MBA. But, none of that doesn't mean anything without Shannon. I would take all of that off of my resume of life just to have her back and marry her. The whole point of this is that you asked, "How do you know when you truly love someone?" Well, you truly love someone when you can let them go and let them be happy. It sucks because most of the time the other one that you love decides to do that. But, one kiss of that person, one touch, one hug, one whisper in your ear, means an eternity of love. You may not have them in your arms every night but your memories are there forever. You have to love more than the pain. I can't move on. I have chosen my true love and she has chosen me. Now that I know who my love is I can't love another. Sure, if Shannon decides not to be with me, she will see someone else down the road and maybe I will too, but at night I will only think of her and her breath and her touch and her beautiful voice. I am not weird nor pathetic nor a psychopath. I am in love. She is the love of my life and I will not stop till she doesn't want to come back. I make mistakes and I forgive her of hers, but I know I can't be treated like a dog and keep waiting for her to come back. But it is my choice to fight it out to the end and if I don't fight at all and give up, then I have lost no matter what. I will die trying and suffer by just not doing anything. I would rather die than suffer. I know this is long and you might be mad at me because I didn't answer your question. Just love that person. Love is 80% true love, 10% faith, and 10% commitment. Just because you are in love with someone doesn't mean that it is going to be easy. Jesus had to suffer just to give us an eternity of life and forgiveness. We all fall short of our goal but it is the commitment and heart that keeps us straight. Love that person and you will have your fights and differences, but just don't ever forget that it is part of life and you really love that person. Don't let big things ruin your love, because it is the little things that keep it strong.