Sonofabitch

This time I’m all about absurdity…

Eeeeeeeeeeeeverybody wants to be famous...
Number one on the list is American Idol. Or any Idol for that matter, except that I didn’t watch any of the others. No doubt some good has come of it in the form of Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Bo Bice, (I don’t like the other ones much) but all in all, it’s more like a freak show of talentless goofs setting themselves up for ridicule. I cannot believe the number of people lost in delusions…and the fact that their families are so supportive of it! Haven’t they heard them sing? Can’t they hear themselves sing?
Obviously, everybody can’t be so good and that’s fine, as long as they don’t force their merry singingness on the entire frickin’ world… I’m not saying I’ll do much better than them, but at least I have a gauge of my own abilities.
Waaaaiiit a minute…y’know what? Fuck you all…this is MY blog, so if I say I’m Frankie Sinatra, you’ll believe it, brother!
Back to my point, people, don’t screw up TV! I don’t wanna sit down to watch nuts who just aren’t good at it, try to sing. If I wanted to do that, I have friends who do it pro bono.

Whatever happened to Bon Jovi? When Bon Jovi lyrics start to sound like something I might come up with if I keep writing, that can’t be very good. For them or me. So what if we have the same initials? So what if they aren’t our real initials?
I’ve been a fan ever since I heard Crossroad. I know it’s cheap to become a bandwagon-hopper after hearing a Greatest Hits album, but I couldn’t help it. They were popular and I was netted.
Welcome to wherever you are? Gimme a break…what a rip off!! INXS just got cut.
Have a nice day? Crush? WTF? This sounds like commercial churn out Mr. Bongiovi…this ain’t nowhere near New Jersey or Keep the Faith. I respected you man…

Still keeping with the flow, the nasty interiors of the nation never fail to throw up something juicy to hold to ridicule. So, there’s this dude from some village who has to prove that he’s…hold your breath…ALIVE.
His family’s performed his last rites and now the guy, who IS alive by the way, is treated as a ghost by the entire village! Turns out the fellow had been in prison for a while and fell ill while serving sentence. He was moved to a hospital in another state and that’s all the family ever heard of him. Loving folks that they were, they quickly went ahead with his ceremonial last rites to ensure that he had a peaceful “afterlife”. Unfortunately for all concerned parties, Mr. Man recovered and returned to his village after completing his sentence.
Now he has no job, no cash, no family and apparently, no life. He’s been completely ostracized and he’s become the bogeyman to the village young ‘uns. Hmmm…apart from that last bit, poor dude pretty much got screwed.
If he has to regain an ounce of dignity, the Panchayat (village elders) wants proof of his non-death. And with no job or family member who will even deign to recognize him, that’s not about to happen. Who in their right minds would ever imagine such a situation anyway? Well, the good news for him is that if he jumped off a cliff, things would actually get better, since his afterlife is already taken care of.

I think that should do it for now. There’s absurd-aplenty left in the world but I’ll leave the cribbing for another day.


Johnny Cash – Folsom Prison Blues