Again, It Begins

June 13, 2017

It’s comforting to think of stars as twinkling ornaments of the night, rather than admit they’re un-romantic, exploding spaceballs. 

As you take your first step towards independence, my son, our little world will suffer a seismic somersault. You fell from the sky into our arms and while we indulged in the languorous delight of your intro to life, the eternal entity, ravenous as always, waited for no one. Time has called for you to grow accustomed to leaving the nest so you can walk in the path of your fortune, while we watch, disbelieving that what so recently was ours, in the blink of an eye, was not.

The journey to discover your purpose of being begins at school tomorrow. 

You’ll always have us to fall back upon, even as you’re swept with the tide of mankind that will drift you ever further away from hearth and home. 

You’ll make us proud; you’ll break our hearts; you’ll love us dearly and you’ll turn away if your passion persuades you so. 

You’ll grow, you’ll learn, and you’ll be better than we ever could muster. 

You’ll let go of our fingers and then, you’ll belong to the world.

It was only yesterday that I grew up in an instant when I first held you. It was mere moments ago that you would wake us with endearing babbling and so many fluttering kisses. But, I digress. 

It’s comforting to think of you as our very own star, our infant unto infinity, for fear of admitting you’re no more ours than the air we breathe and every moment we cling to you is simply borrowed from a long goodbye.

The service of my love

We should be ashamed. All of us Indians. We enjoy having someone to point a finger at, whether it’s to laugh at them or to place blame on their shoulders, but we don’t often look into a mirror with the same intention.
The officials responsible for the Commonwealth Games mess have become the focus of everyone’s ire and the media are doing a stupendous job of sensationalizing the problems with disgraceful reporting. It’s become so you can’t wake up in the morning without having to read about the latest disaster in Delhi splashed over the front pages of every newspaper. No chance to be proud of the opportunity to host the event; instead, we’re encouraged to cry shame and bay for the blood of the incompetents involved in setting up the facilities.

We love to hate our politicians and complain about how corrupt they are, but wait… are they really different from the rest of us? I wouldn’t blame them, because I don’t think it’s their fault at all. In this great nation, we’re all born with a defining Indian-ness. As was Kalmadi. Every time we violate a traffic rule, every time we urinate or drop litter (or worse) in a public place, every time we forge a document and every time we bribe a government official, we’re just being true to our nature.

We are so proud of ourselves that we are blind to ourselves. We talk of India being a superpower in the making, but our standards of hygiene are still not at par with the rest of the world (foolishly admitted by CWG officials). We talk of becoming global citizens, but we cannot recognize that our Indian-ness is the very factor that prevents us from attaining said citizenship. Our nature is hardly compatible with the civilized world at large, and yet we aspire to rub shoulders with them. So many of us travel abroad to earn in higher valued currency. And yet, while abroad, many are unwilling to accept or adapt to foreign habits. We turn up our noses, seeking out others like ourselves and longing for the familiarity of Mother’s cooking. Others take adaptation a little too far and simply assimilate into foreign cultures, often forgoing their own.

We make ourselves weak. We worship our celebrities like we worship our Gods. We still fawn over foreigners although we broke free of the Raj ages ago. We are insecure as a people; of our abilities, our sexuality and most other qualities that matter.
We don’t understand graciousness, subtlety and etiquette. We don’t get satire.
We. Are. Not. Professional.

We are a developing country. We have been one for a long time now. How much longer?
I don’t care if there are lavish hotels with super-smart toilet bowls that wash your ass automatically. What about the poor who still have to defaecate in the open?
I don’t care about the luxurious cars afforded by the affluent. What about the idiots still spitting out of bus windows?
I don’t care if we are nuclear capable. What about the villages that still go without electricity?

We have been trying to do a good job, but we keep getting in our own way because of that little Indian chromosome. Nevertheless, we persist.
Top international athletes are pulling out of the Games? Fuck’em. We don’t need to beg on bended knee for them to grace the Games with their presence. I say we get on with the event and hope with all our collective might that everything stays standing, at least till the curtain falls.
I am not a leader, but as sure as I am a patriot and a taxpayer, I know this much: We desperately need change. We cannot abandon our fundamental ethos, but we do need to evolve from the inside. Understanding the problem is the primary step and I am hopeful that the upcoming young leaders in the country have a better vision in this direction than the worn down politicians currently in office.

Hong Kong was handed independence in 1997. As far ahead as they are, that’s where we could have been… I’m just saying.
Unless we make big strides forward, and soon, we may forever be the underachievers of the world.


P.S. If you were offended by anything in the paragraphs above, you might just be part of the problem.

Stripped

Morning. So cold…

Bathtub? Melting ice? FUCK…!

Wait, slow down. I remember now. We emptied the ice machine last night… she wanted to do it “Eskimo style”. Crazy stuff. Man, I wish I’d passed out on the bed instead.

“Uh, you’re in my seat.” Either she hadn’t heard him or she was ignoring him. He felt silly standing there and attempting to converse with her back. Her friend had obviously heard him because she made eye contact for just a moment. Finally, the usurper turned around, “Were you saying something?”

Suddenly he wasn’t sure anymore. “Uh, I was just sitting there a few minutes ago… but it’s alright. I’ll grab another seat.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could even make sure they were arranged in the right order. There wasn’t another seat at the bar, but he was flustered and needed to get away. “Oops, I didn’t know. I’m sure we can move?” she looked over at her friend. “No! That’s ok.” Too loud. He wasn’t used to these places. Awkward pause. “Umm… do you want to join us here for a drink? That is, if you don’t mind standing for a while.” One smile and he didn’t need to decide.

She took the car keys! And my folder was in there…

What was her name? Damn I gotta learn to remember these things. Emily something, I think. Gotta get back to the city somehow.

The exchange of items had gone smoothly and all he’d wanted was to get a beer before heading back to the solitary life. He normally would have never stopped at a bar that he knew was going to be this crowded, but having been compelled to, he was now glad for it. He was a relative novice, easily enticed by the alcohol and enchanted by her personality. She was attractive, attentive and dismissed her girlfriend a few minutes after he joined them.

Hi, yes I’d like to report a stolen vehicle. It’s a blue 2002 Civic. I think I’m at a B&B… I don’t remember the name, I’ll have to check. Uh no, there weren’t any valuables in there, just a file folder. I need to get my folder back! Yes, I can give you a description of the car…

“Maybe it’s just the light, but I think you’ve got an exotic sorta look. Polynesian?” “Actually, I’m one quarter Inuit,” she grinned at him, “On my mother’s side. And you’d be surprised how many people don’t know what Inuk is!” He smiled back sheepishly, as she ran her fingers through her black hair and her other palm rested on his thigh. “It’s kinda hot; do you want to get out of here?” Her eyes melted him.

Adele – Make You Feel My Love

The Morning Benders – Excuses

The Office

What did I do wrong?

Where did things take such a turn that now you suddenly can’t bear to look me in the eye?

It wasn’t very long ago that our every meeting was sweet relief. I’d make time everyday to come see you and our moments spent together seemed almost too short. But yesterday, for the first time, it was as if you couldn’t even see me.

I stood before you, head bowed in modest sincerity. And you dismissed me. No words were needed; it was as though our worlds were no longer the same. As though I had ceased to exist, the way you looked right through me in an unblinking stare.

Did I deserve this? Had I been unkind or unfaithful in any way? You weren’t the only one there y’know, but whenever I entered the room somehow my eyes always drifted only to you. I couldn’t ever not come over to you. So what happened to you? When did we stop understanding each other? I wish you’d given me a sign… something I could’ve seen and known then that things between us were about to change. I could’ve done something about it. I could’ve helped you. I could’ve helped myself.

But in an instant you’ve shown me your true nature. I don’t think we can continue what we started. You’re just not who I thought you were… instead, fickle, hateful and unrepentant are what I see now. Were you just baiting me? Lulling me into a false sense of security before turning on me? Have there been others before me? Now that I think of it, there probably were. This is a big place. Those poor suckers.

Well, if nothing else, at least we all know better now.

The worst part is that I’m still going to have to see you everyday, and then look away knowing that you wouldn’t have changed. In fact, you probably aren’t even expecting me to come back, but before the end, I have to know the reason. I can’t believe that it’s just in your nature to suddenly behave in such a way.

So why then, urinal #3, did you auto-flush on me before I was done?!

Mr. Big – To Be With You

Bon Jovi – Janie Don’t Take Your Love To Town

Winter fruit

Almost three months it’s been since I last posted anything. While I patiently await my suicide machine, please don’t disqualify me, O Elders of the Internet!

Recently, I heard the name Persephone and was immediately thrown back to my childhood. Not really being even a mediocre authority on Greek and Roman mythology, I’m not quite sure how I instantly connected the dots between Persephone and the story of Proserpina that I read as a child, but I did. It was a childhood that abounded with books and in one of them, I remember reading the story of Proserpina’s abduction by Pluto. I was pretty young at the time, but even at that age, the tragedy of it all struck me quite sharply. Now that I think of it, I think I had a book that seemed to be filled with stories filled with gloom and despair. That’s what comes of unsupervised reading! Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree was another mildly depressing story that I quite liked at that age.

On a side note, this wonderful depiction was sculpted by a 23 year old Bernini. Zoomed in, you can even see delicate tears streaming down her face. And don’t miss Cerberus down at Pluto’s feet.

Coming back to nearer times: When I had just made it into my twenties, I thought to myself that this was going to be the time of my life and I was determined to make it last as long as I could. But now that I’m on the wrong side of the decade, it’s going by all too fast. I’m not even sure I’ve had the time of my life yet… how would I recognize it? Slowly, I’ve grown to appreciate things that I would have hastily scorned but a short while ago. It’s even got to a point where I no longer run away from things that smell of lavender. The amount of time it’s taken me to get back to writing and the fact that this post barely has a point probably says something about where my mind and priorities are moving too. Enough for now.

“Too much change is not a good thing; ask the climate!”

Shakin’ Stevens – Cry Just a Little Bit

Berlin – Take My Breath Away