Day One

This place seems to be nothing short of an unending spout of my seemingly endless outpourings on my seemingly useless quest for definition.
Well today I stop. No more excuses, no more trying to explain me and my idiosyncrasies. Take it or leave it. This is me, straight up, lump it.
Why the apparent turn around? Television. Finally I’ve witnessed eye opening TV and it was gratifying to know that for once, I had more than just a faint idea of what she was talking about, ‘cos that was exactly my life! Just without the trailer park.
You can’t go through life without the unrelenting pressure on your back. It starts with parents, your siblings, friends, teachers, your boss, new friends, colleagues, your girlfriend, the wife, the in-laws, children, the other woman you’re seeing, the kids’ education, old friends, home loans, it doesn’t end. What does matter, is the path you take so it doesn’t swallow you. You can either go from day to day bearing the burden while constantly trying to justify yourself to everyone who points a finger at you, and there’re lots of them, or you can stop; instead of striving for definition while towing the line, make your own rules. Every time I’ve tried to justify myself, I noticed that it changed slightly since the last time. Which led me to clarity. For some people, there is no definition, just gray lines of text that you have to read between to get a fuzzy look at the core. So in the end, all the attempts to reverse the pointing fingers have been exercises in futility, ‘cos they all add up to a big fat nothing.
It’s been all around me, in every movie I've liked, in my choice of music, my choice of food, my clothes, the drinks I favor, my role models, even down to my favorite car. I’ve just never been able to put my finger down on it because I’ve been too busy with the D word. It’s taken me this long to figure out that the simplest way to define me is, don’t.
Living free from the mundane is what sets the people I admire apart from the others. It’s the something I’ve wondered about for so many hours, which makes the difference between a loser and a non-loser. What is a non-loser anyway? Just a winner who hasn’t won yet. And to win, you just need to make yourself happy, not the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% grateful every single day for everything I’m getting from my parents and I will give back whenever the time comes. But bottomline, I have a life to live.
I’m a slacker, openly. I have been and always will be, don’t think I can change that. But why I will eventually have my cake and eat it too is because I’m accepting my slackness and I’m willing to make the best I can of it. I’m not alone here, there’s an entire generation out there living the same deal as me. Intelligent youth, blessed with education and opportunity, who choose not to jump through the hoop just to go with the system. I choose to settle for apparent mediocrity so that I can achieve my own envisionment of excellence. Once I get there, I’ll be happy irrespective of what anyone else thinks, because, quite simply, it won’t matter.
Friend tells me that I take on a fake persona in public, hiding the real me; and I’ve spent time trying to convince him otherwise. No need to guess, WRONG! We all have that face we need to put on before we show ourselves to “somebody”. The same somebody who puts that pressure on our already laden shoulders. Well, I’m gonna try and shed that skin ‘cos I’m tired of biding my time and hiding. The way I’m headed, I know I'll never fit the description of having made it big, but at least this is the first step to knowing that I will be happy. And every day that I’m happy, I’m a winner again.
I’ve spent the last 22 years making myself into what I am today. That’s a joke! I haven’t a clue. A graduate? Yeah, right. I don’t know what I am today. This is a statement I could well make every day for the rest of my life without it ever being false, because there is no definite me, nor will there ever be.
You think this is nothing but a stereotypical sorry excuse from a Gen Y lazy sonofabitch? Go ahead, take your shot. I won’t hold it against you; you have your opinion and I have my way.
Life never settles down so you can sit back and admire what you are on a particular day. Life and everything in it, is always just a work in progress, nothing more, nothing less.
Everyday is a beginning. Today is Day One.
Tomorrow is Day One. And the day after that and the day after that.