Things hardly anyone, if not noone, knows about me.
Ok, these may also include reasons why no woman would marry me, but I’ve counted 40 so far.
1. I cannot leave a newspaper unfolded along its original creases
2. I’m the personification of procrastination
3. I love an Australian accent
4. I hate chat acronyms
5. Coffee has never kept me up at night
6. Alcohol has
7. I never share cheese
8. I’ve been groped from behind by a newly married woman
9. I’ve abandoned friends
10. I want to write just one great poem
11. I had hoped to have a Mohawk
12. I shall soon be the first bald male in four generations of my family
13. I’ve taught mathematics for a year
14. I’m claustrophobic
15. I have to bungee
16. I hope to die young
17. I’m a bigot
18. I love calligraphy
19. I believe in aliens
20. I don’t believe they’ve visited this planet
21. I’m sadistic when it comes to proving myself right
22. Some days I’ve been too lazy to brush my teeth in the morning
23. I have no innate talent
24. I’m more afraid of bears than any other animal
25. I have to visit Italy, hopefully at least twice
26. I will not eat pasta or pizza there
27. I forget faces very easily
28. I never learned to plan ahead
29. I’m afraid of vast water surfaces
30. I’m also altophobic
31. As a baby, I almost died of diarrhea
32. I’ve beaten children
33. I detest all reptiles
34. I cannot look up into the sky for more than a minute without being overwhelmed by the open space
35. I cannot use a public toilet unless I’m completely alone
36. Misspelling and mispronunciation really annoys me
37. I don’t handle pressure well
38. I’ve been attacked by a blind doctor and a pair of scissors
39. I’ve never been on a rollercoaster
40. Too many dogs have chased me
41. Apparently I’m a Male Chauvinist Pig
42. I can still sing along to most of the Spice Girls’ songs
Additions will be made, with due notification, as and when they come to mind.
Gershon Kingsley – Popcorn
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